2010 August 7th.

I almost missed my train to Bangalore last evening. Just a minute late and I would've been stranded on the station with my luggage. Thank God I wasn't carrying Nazia with me. She would have really slowed me down with her huge curvy junk xD

I somehow managed to get into the last bogey of the train, the General compartment. An hour later, the train stopped at some station and I got down and walked my way to my bogey and then to my seat. The trains around here are not so well-maintained. I felt disgusted when I entered the train. People were eating gutkha and what not shit making the environment around me more hostile. I felt like puking when I saw the toilets.

Haven't slept well in the past few days. The more I tried to sleep, the less tired I felt and I was wide awake. I have become insomniac. At night, I wanted time to pass away quickly but each time I looked at the clock, the time slowed down. Suddenly, I had some extra hours in my life. The hours when everybody were asleep, I was awake and probably breathing nicotine. I bought a few novels to utilize this time. I read a few and re-read some of my favorite ones. I related everything, from movies to songs and novels, to our relationship. Being a sad soul, I had nothing better to do anyway. I have always observed that a sad situation in life always brings out the artist in you. Perhaps the only good thing about love?

The thoughts revolved around me. I tried everything, from songs to sleeping pills, but in vain. Every night, a 'rerun' flashes in my mind. It was similar to a free fall from a plane with a faulty parachute attached to your back. You try to open the parachute but it doesn't. You see the Earth accelerating towards you but you can't help it. You crash down with a tremendous velocity. You hear the bones cracking, puncturing the surrounding flesh. The pain of suddenly being stopped by Earth from a huge fall, slowly makes its presence felt.  You crash land and jump back to the reality, in the present and the thoughts strike back.

I was lying on my seat in the train. It was 1 am. I had lots of time to think, alone. I tried to find reasons, but in vain. Why? I never could find out the answer.

To think about the worst, it feels like a nail puncturing slowly right through your heart, going deeper and deeper but never coming out the other end. You feel the pain deep inside as the nail slowly moves, an inch by the hour, tearing the tissues, bleeding the heart, and me, waiting for the thoughts and pain to vanish.
I look at the picture and I hit delete. It awaits my confirmation. I can't move my thumb to click 'Yes'. I stare for few more seconds and I press, the key.